I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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