Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
