just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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