I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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