I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
