Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
