Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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