I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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