Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
