I wish I could teleport
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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