i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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