I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there was a trapeze. enough said
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
