life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
