I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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