I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
