my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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