Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
