why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
