I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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