I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
