Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
