I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
