At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize