I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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