i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
