i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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