My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
