I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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