Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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