just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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