It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i out mim tonsoeep
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
