He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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