Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize