How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
