I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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