Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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