Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
