i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
