pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
