all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
