So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
