From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
