is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will pee on everything he values.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
