I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
