I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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