You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize