Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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