apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
