I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
