ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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