THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my vagina is haunted
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
