Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
