Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
