We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
