Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
