I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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