im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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