apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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