why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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