They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
