He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
