this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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