some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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